


Fire and Gold

by Incadence



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alternate Universe - Idols, M/M, Secret Relationship, Yoongi is a solo artist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-21
Updated: 2015-09-21
Packaged: 2018-04-22 17:50:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4844759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Incadence/pseuds/Incadence
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You're an idol, so you know how this works, right?" </p><p>Jeongguk should say no. Because he doesn't, he really doesn't know at all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fire and Gold

**Author's Note:**

> I just wanted to write something, and a few hours later this happened???? It's not the best, really but it was stil fun to write c: 
> 
> It's unplanned and I needed to write something a lil sadder. It's a little different from what I usually write but I hope you guys enjoy this anyway!!! ;u; 
> 
> also yoonkook (?) need more love woo

"You're an idol, so you know how this works, right?" 

Jeongguk should say no. Because he doesn't, he really doesn't know at all. Instead, he answers with a nod. It's the first lie of many. 

He feels Yoongi smile against his lips just as his fingers circle his belt; and Jeongguk's eyes flutter closed.

 

-

Jeongguk was just a rookie when Yoongi debuted as a soloist. Wide eyed and childlike, mouth dropping open at the harsh waves of words and wild hair against the grimy screen of the dorm TV, eyes flitting to the mass of screaming fans and beautiful lyrics and harsh, harsh stage lights. And he wishes. 

He works hard, tongue stumbling over quick words, rusty against his mouth, muscles aching and aching, the drip of sweat against his bangs. But it's worth it, because eventually he debuts in a group with 4 other boys with wide eyes and hesitant smiles. His limbs are not as gangly, words not as tangled, and a fake stage smile that is perfect.

Between dance moves and shining lights and pushing fans and exhaustion clawing at his skin; Jeongguk thinks it's worth it. 

Then there's Yoongi. He's seasoned, digging his fingers right into the core of the idol world, because really there is more that what meets the eye. He would think of Jeongguk as naive, laugh bitter while his fingers stain against his cigarette, blowing smoke into the night. 

A walking, breathing, rapping contradiction. His lyrics breathe freedom while he's trapped in the tedium of the idol world. His friends, those careless free flowing words, back in the underground rapper days, oh they would laugh at him. Augstd with his defiance and passion and look at him now. Look at him now. 

But no one heard him then, not like now. Some may listen, but not many can hear him. And under the searing lights and the blur of fans and the crackling of his mic, as he looks past the stage, Yoongi thinks that at least he has all these people to hear him. They might not always listen. But at least they always hear.

Sometimes in the silence of the night, Yoongi wonders if he made the right choice.

Contradictions and coincidences make strange things. The naive idol and the ex-underground rapper. Perhaps a story most don't want to listen to.

The first time Jeongguk meets Yoongi, his perception of the rapper idol, hidden between the big glaring letters of SUGA, completely shifts. He's shorter for one, and less perfect, so less perfect. Or maybe that's because, the first time Jeongguk sees Yoongi in person, it's at a show. He's stumbling out of the toilet, the smell of smoke curling around his opened collar, red bite marks littering across his collarbones, smudged lipstick against his cheek. Yoongi doesn't look at him. Why would he? But Jeongguks heart still stutters in his chest when he pushes past him; and Jeongguk can't help but stare at the small of his retreating back, a lump forming in his throat.

He doesn't exactly know the ins and outs of the web that is the fucked up idol world beneath the surface of pretty smiles; but he knows well enough. The truth is Jeongguk doesn't like to get himself tangled up in all those gossip and scandals and whatnot. So Jeongguk tells himself it's curiousity, not the image of Yoongi's swollen lips that make him ask.

"Yoongi? As in Min Yoongi? Huh, why do you ask?" Jeongguk figured asking Namjoon would be a good idea, he's knowledgeable but steers clear of all the drama. 

"I don't know, I just um saw.." Jeongguk pretend he doesn't feel his face heating up. "Forget I asked," he finishes with a sigh.

Namjoon laughs, a deep comforting sound. "Awh, you're blushing."

"Shut up." 

Namjoon laughs again. "You seriously don't know right?" 

Jeongguk frowns. "What do you mean?" 

"These shows, backstage is all about hook ups, wait shit you know what hook ups are right?" Namjoon says, eyes widening. Jeongguk replies with an elbow to his stomach.

"Shut up, I'm 17, I'm not stupid." He nibbles at his lip, eyes dropping to the ground. "Really though?" 

"I'd advise you to not get involved. One you're underage as fuck. Two, it never ends pretty." A finger comes to poke at his cheek. "Three, Yoongi's not good news, I'd admit he's talented but don't believe everything you see on TV kay?" 

Jeongguk wants to retort, wants Namjoon to start laughing; but he's looking at Jeongguk in all seriousness. "Okay hyung," is all he says.

The image of messy red hair and messier lips linger in his mind for a few days, and how could you blame him? It takes a few cold showers and dancing and exhaustion settling under his skin for it to eventually disappear. 

The next time Jeongguk meets Yoongi in person, is on their third show. This time Yoongi is blonde. It makes his eyes darker, even more so under the eyeliner. This time he regards Jeonggguk with a lazy stare, eyes narrowing; Jeongguk focuses on the thumping of the music outside and pretends not to notice, skin prickling with anticipation.

"BTS?" Yoongi's voice is deeper than Jeongguk expected, and it's so sudden Jeongguk almost jumps.

"Y..yes," Jeongguk replies. "You're Yoongi." Jeongguk adds on and almost regrets it just as fast because Yoongi smirks.

"Nice observation." God help him. "Nice to meet you maknae." Jeongguk's heart flips in his chest because oh god Min Yoongi knows him. To be fair BTS are garnering popularity at a fairly decent rate, but Min Yoongi knows him! 

"Do I have something on my face?" Yoongi says with an irritated huff when all Jeongguk does is stare with wide eyes and an open mouth, and so what? Yoongi is easy on the eyes.

Jeongguk ducks his head down. "M'sorry." 

Yoongi laughs; it doesn't sound real. "You're cute maknae." He shrugs and Jeongguk's heart stutters against his chest. His eyes flit to the stage, suddenly distracted and his fingers come to adjust his mic. Jeongguk notices a slight tremble. "I'll see you around." Yoongi nods before he's pushing past him. The smell of mint and nicotine linger on his shoulders.

"See you," Jeongguk answers, but Yoongi is long gone, surrounded by screams and bitter lyrics. 

Yoongi wins best soloist that night. BTS don't win anything, but the fans scream for them all the same. It always sounds the same. But Jeongguk doesn't remember much of it, because Namjoon's words ring over and over again. It's only until much later, under the dark of the night and the heavy weight of his blankets and the heaving of his chest that he forgets them, and remembers something else entirely. 

It's just lust and hormones and he'll get over it. Jeongguk tells himself that when he meets Yoongi the third time. His bangs are sweaty and his eyes hooded when Jeongguk slides in next to him.

"Maknae," Yoongi nods in greeting.

"My names Jeongguk," he huffs with a roll of his eyes.

"Awh," Yoongi smiles. "Did someone grow guts over the summer?" 

"Nope!" Jeongguk says feeling braver, "just muscles." 

"Oh?" Yoongi smirks and whatever bravery Jeongguk just had completely disappears when he leans forward and his fingers flit over the curve of his arm, leaning down to curl around his wrist, fingers pressing into the pulse at the underside of his skin. Yoongi leans in, and there's an expression on his face that Jeongguk can't read. If anything it was curiosity. "Really?" 

"Yeah um you know..." Jeongguk leans back, heat flaming his cheeks. "Gym and stuff." 

Yoongi's stare burns against Jeongguk's lips. His fingers uncurl from Jeongguk's wrist and flit back to his side. "I want to show you something." 

"Um, okay?" 

Yoongi smiles. And Jeongguk thinks he knows what he wants.

-

"You're an idol so you know how this works right?" Yoongi says this against his ear while he has Jeongguk's hands pinned against his side, breath teasing and soft against his neck. Arousal burns, heavy and heady and overwhelming. 

Jeongguk doesn't say anything but nods, quick and unsure. 

Jeongguk doesn't pull back when Yoongi gives a lazy catlike smile and reaches to curl a hand over the nape of his neck pulling him close. And his lips part when Yoongi leans in, cologne and nicotine curling against Jeongguk's nostrils, thick and intoxicating. He's only kissed a few times, in high school when there was actually time to; but those times were chaste lips and clashing teeth; nothing, nothing like this. 

Because there's no hesitation in the way Yoongi kisses him. No hesitation in the way his fingers dig into his skin and his tongue licks into his mouth, and teeth graze over his lips. Yoongi is sure and Jeongguk is gone, and the way Yoongi rolls his hips forward and moans into Jeongguk's mouth is too, too much. 

"You've done this before yeah?" Yoongi's voice is breathy and his lips are swollen and Jeongguk wants and wants and wants.

"Yes," Jeongguk lies. That's all he has time to say before Yoongi's fingers are skilfully zipping down both their pants and fingers digging into Jeongguk's skin, and oh god, his hands are wrapping around both their cocks and Yoongi's rocking forward, muffled moans against his skin, the taste of sex and fire atop his tongue and pleasure and heat and lust thick against his stomach.

It only takes three, six, nine tugs before Jeongguk's coming, Yoongi laughs. "that was embarassingingly fast" he comments, pressing against Jeongguk's trembling thighs. 

Jeongguk blinks at him, lazy and sated. "Can I um, can I?" 

"Hmmm? What do you want babe? Tell me." 

Jeongguk ducks his head. "I kinda want to suck you off." 

Yoongi only laughs when Jeongguk, with trembling fingers and a dizzy haziness sinks to his knees. And Jeongguk doesn't think, he doesn't think at all. 

Yoongi doesn't leave his number, he doesn't leave anything at all when he leaves the stall, hair a mess, shirt crinkled, only the taste of him on Jeongguk's tongue. (And even that disappears when Jeongguk brushes his teeth that night.")

-

"Oh Jeongguk." Namjoon sighs, as he watches the make up artist furiously cover the red of his neck with foundation. 

Jeongguk shrugs, his fingers tangling with each other as he stares into the mirror. "Was an accident." 

Namjoon merely shakes his head. "Do what you want. But for gods sake tell him to stop leaving marks, a scandal's the last thing we need." 

-

The next time Jeongguk meets Yoongi, it's quick and straight to the point and completely easy.

A slight tilt of his head and then Jeongguk is kissing Yoongi, pressing him into the wall and leaving marks like Yoongi was his.

And oh god it's only been a few weeks but he's missed this. He's missed this so much. This time Jeongguk knows what to do, he's done his research and relishes in the way Yoongi trembles under him, and moans his name like he wants it and needs it.

Later, while Yoongi is adjusting his collar he nods at Jeongguk. "Someone's obviously been practising," he says, before he steps out of the stall. 

Yoongi doesn't leave his number and all Jeongguk can do is wait.

-

"I hope you know what you're doing." Namjoon's tone is disapproving and firm. 

Jeongguk frowns. "Don't worry, we're pretty subtle I won't make BTS look bad don't worry." 

"It's not that I'm worried about," Namjoon sighs.

"Then what?" 

"Just be careful Jeongguk, you're still young you have time." 

-

Jeongguk likes to call it an accident. It's easier that way.

(There's nothing accidental about the way Yoongi grabs his wrist and pushes him into the wall, mouth grazing over the skin of his neck.) 

It's part of being an idol right? The basic pleasures, simplistic and pure.

(There's nothing simple about the way Yoongi kisses him, all tongue and teeth and lingering moans.) 

It's rushed handjobs and quick blowjobs and all about elevating stress before a performance.

( Sometimes Yoongi lets Jeongguk kiss him afterwards. He tastes like the fire that flares just before he comes.) 

It was born out of lust and hormones.

(And sometimes Jeongguk wonders what they would have if both were stripped away.) 

It means nothing.

(Jealousy gnaws at his throat when Yoongi's throat are littered with constellations made not from his teeth.) 

Long hours and dancing and screaming fans and droopy eyelids and Yoongi. 

"What are we?" Jeongguk asks after Yoongi drops his head against his neck.

"You know how this works," Yoongi replies, after as he slips on his pants, fingers flitting up to fix his hair.

Jeongguk really doesn't know but he doesn't say that.

After a while, (a long, long while) Jeongguk realizes that Yoongi doesn't really know ethier.

-

Sometimes Jeongguk will watch Yoongi perform, the only times he's seen Yoongi truly alive is when he's performing and when they have sex. Makes him feel special somehow.

He shouldn't though. Because it's not like they're even friends, let alone lovers. 

In the first year, Jeongguk can wish, he thinks about loving Yoongi, in the naive way all teenagers like to. He keeps hoping, expecting, waits for Yoongi to be the one to kiss him first. Maybe Yoongi would have, years ago when the world had yet to taint him. But he doesn't. 

The second year, it gets tiring, and strangely familiar. Stolen looks and quiet smiles and later moans against Jeongguk's chest. He learns to stop hoping and start getting. Not a lot of people taste as good as Yoongi. 

Three years after BTS debuts they make their first win. Jeongguk eyes are watering and his chest is heaving and oh god it's worth it, through the flurry of confetti and the wide smiles Jeongguk is happy in the fleeting moments on stage. 

Right after, after the long hugs and loud whoops, Yoongi is waiting for him, his hair's a darkening brown, and he's not wearing eyeliner. 

"Congrats," Yoongi says.

Jeongguk beams. "Thank you." 

"You deserved it." 

Jeongguk smiles wide enough that his eyes curve into crescents. Yoongi's gaze drops to the floor.

That's probably the most they've said in a while when it's not scattered moans and a litany of each other's names. And it's the most they'll say in a while. Yoongi gestures his head to his side and Jeongguk nods.

After a celebratory dinner, Jeongguk finds Yoongi again, under the shine of the streetlights. The night is silent and their breaths cold against the night. Yoongi reaches for Jeongguk's hand and pulls. It's not in the toilet stalls this time, nor behind curtains. This time, for the first time in years, Yoongi brings him to his apartment. Jeongguk barely gets a look at his room- the slight glimpse of tangled wires and a flurry of pages and messy bedsheets- when Yoongi's pushes Jeongguk down, and moves to straddle his thighs. Jeongguk tilts his head up, just in time for their lips to touch. 

With a hand braced against his back and the other against the wall, Yoongi fucks him for the very first time. It's slow and languid and Jeongguk stutters Yoongi's name, as Jeongguk can feel every inch, every breath, every moan as he fucks into him nice and slow.

They don't say anything afterwards but Yoongi lets Jeongguk kiss him, eyes fluttering closed.

In the morning Yoongi is gone. Jeongguk almost expected him to leave a number, something, anything. 

But he doesn't and Jeongguk doesn't stay. 

 

-

"You were my first you know," Jeongguk breathes against Yoongi's neck as he rolls his hips down.

Yoongi doesn't reply, but Jeongguk feels him stiffen. 

-

There are no patterns in the idol world. New groups come and go, new songs and eras and choreography and unfamiliar lyrics. New MCs and new games. Hoseok leaves. The members change, but they keep going, they have to right? 

Yoongi is the only constant.

-

It's two months before promotions start again, the era this time is dark and melancholic. Jeongguk's eyeliner is subtle and his jeans itch at his knees. 

The performance is stunning and the fans are eager and Jeongguk is tired. 

When he sees Yoongi, Jeongguk is greedy and he digs his fingers into his wrists and don't let go.

"I've missed you," Jeongguk says, as he fucks Yoongi into the scratchy blankets of his dorm room, hands reaching to muffle his moans so the other members don't hear. (It's not like they don't know though.) 

Yoongi's eyes widen and then shut.

Jeongguk wakes up to the slight flicker of orange and the smell of smoke, and the contrast of milky white skin against the darkness. 

"You're getting ash onto my sheets," Jeongguk mumbles and the flame flares as Yoongi sucks in.

"We should stop doing this," Yoongi breathes in between a mouthful of smoke. 

Jeongguk sits up, blankets falling off his shoulders. "What, why?" He doesn't care if Yoongi doesn't kiss him or hold him or stay. At least... At least they have this fucked up arrangement.

Yoongi doesn't look at him. "You said you knew how it worked,"

"I do," Jeongguk says, quiet and a lie. 

"You're fucking 20 now, why are we still here now, what the hell are you waiting for?" The words are biting and harsh, kinda like the lyrics Yoongi raps.

"Nothing," Lie.

Yoongi laughs, a bitter scratchy sound. "You're still naive as fuck aren't you?" He turns to Jeongguk and his eyes are puffy and red, he thinks about the Yoongi on stage and the Yoongi now. Both are so alive it scares him. "You can do whatever the fuck you want and feel whatever the fuck you want, but listen to me and listen well, it ain't going to work. It never ever works Jeongguk." He exhales harshly. "So, we should stop." 

"How do you know?" Jeongguk asks.

Yoongi is quiet. "You think I haven't tried? All we're going to do is hurt each other, maybe you're young and you don't know that, but I'm telling you now." 

"How is that different from any other relationship?" 

"You're right," Yoongi says and hope flares in his throat. "But we're not any other relationship. We're idols. and it's not fucking going to work. " 

"We can try?" Jeongguk says, small and hopeful. 

Yoongi takes a drag of cigarette and doesn't reply.

-

Jeongguk eventually stops lying to himself and with that, they stop too

Yoongi doesn't wait for him anymore, and when Jeongguk does see him, his expression is guarded, eyes lidded, smile disinterested and lazy. It's SUGA and not Yoongi. At first, Jeongguk thinks it's sex that was the issue, but hook ups were so easy to come by backstage and Jeongguk has learnt to stop lying to himself. 

Namjoon sends him an article one day, speculating a scandal relating to Yoongi. He's smiling, wide and beautiful, hands linked with a pretty. She has wide eyes and red lips and she's not Jeongguk. 

( "You're not jealous are you?" Yoongi grins, amused and genuine. 

"Maybe," Jeongguk squints at his tablet. "Actually really." 

Yoongi laughs, wide and careless. "Don't be stupid. I don't date." )

Jeongguk exhales, shaky and low. And sets the phone done, adjusts his mic and steps onto stage. He does not wonder if Yoongi's watching. He tries not to think at all and lets the music move him.

-

"It's fucked up," Jeongguk slurs. "It's so fucking fucked up."

"Jeongguk stop, you're drunk," Namjoon says, fingers soft against the small of his back.

"Maybe I was just stupid but I think it was love, you know like the shit we sing about isn't it hyung?" 

Jeongguk falls onto the sofa, and moans quietly into the pillow. 

"I'm stupid aren't I?" Jeongguk mumbles. His cheeks are wet.

Namjoon's fingers thread through his hair. "You're a lot of things Jeongguk, but not stupid." 

-

A year later, the wins are getting tedious and Jeongguk's limbs are heavy. There's still the brilliant thrill of excitement as the trophy is handed to them and confetti flies down in a massive flurry of colour. But it's not as exciting as before and Jeongguk is tired.

Later, after the cake lies heavy in his stomach and the covers curlaround his shoulders, a notification flashes on his phone, illuminating his face in the darkness. 

An unknown number. One message. Congrats. Jeongguk's heart flutter under his ribs and something hot flares in his throat. 

He presses call.

It rings once, twice, three times and then-

"Hey," 

"I thought you weren't going to pick up." 

Yoongi's laugh is strained. "I did,"

"Why?" 

Yoongi pauses, and then slowly, hesitantly he says. "Say, do you want to get dinner?" 

"You don't have to." Jeongguk says and instantly regrets it. Because what if Yoongi, cynical and bitter about whatever they had, does take it back and it's back to stolen glances and thoughts of what it?

"I want to." And Jeongguk remembers to breathe again.

"I'll like that then," Jeongguk smiles.

-

The cafe is mostly empty and Jeongguk's sunglasses lay heavy atop his nose. He sees Yoongi before Yoongi sees him. His hair is a bright red under the glaring sun. 

He looks up when Jeongguk slips into the seat.

"Maknae," He greets, low and playful.

"My names Jeongguk."

And Yoongi laughs, it's a little strained, a little strange, but it's a start.

**Author's Note:**

> It would make more sense in Yoongis point of view because really it didn't matter what Jeongguk would do, Yoongi is the one who has to come in terms with everything and stop being so scared. 
> 
> A lil unrealistic but happy ish ending pls


End file.
